Considering John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse, define and give examples of 1) criticism, 2) contempt, 3) defensiveness, and 4) stonewalling. On which ones you do well? Do you straggle with some of these in your relationships? Were you are in a relationship when your partner was critical, contemptuous, defensive, or was a stonewaller?
Considering House of Sound Relationships, define and give examples of 1) building a love map, 2) building the fondness and admiration system, 3) turning toward, 4) create a sense of shared meaning. Reflect on these concepts in your life and your own relationships.
Please include overall conclusion or critic on John Gottman research.
Sample Solution
John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse refer to four negative behaviors that can derail relationships, including criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism is an attack on one’s character or personality in a negative way; for example, “You always mess up everything!” Contempt involves looking down upon someone with scorn and disrespect through name-calling or mocking; for example, “You are so stupid.” Defensiveness occurs when we reject responsibility by responding defensively to valid criticisms from our partner; for example, “No I didn’t! You are wrong about that.” Lastly, stonewalling is the refusal to communicate with our partner or engage in a meaningful dialogue; this could look like ignoring your partner completely or walking away during an argument rather than trying to resolve it.
Sample Solution
John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse refer to four negative behaviors that can derail relationships, including criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism is an attack on one’s character or personality in a negative way; for example, “You always mess up everything!” Contempt involves looking down upon someone with scorn and disrespect through name-calling or mocking; for example, “You are so stupid.” Defensiveness occurs when we reject responsibility by responding defensively to valid criticisms from our partner; for example, “No I didn’t! You are wrong about that.” Lastly, stonewalling is the refusal to communicate with our partner or engage in a meaningful dialogue; this could look like ignoring your partner completely or walking away during an argument rather than trying to resolve it.
